Bert: Ernie.... Ernie.... Ernie, I'm tired of that program.... Ernie, we've been watching television
all day [or for several hours?] and I'd like to play a record now.... Ernie?
Ernie: Shh, Bert! Keep it down, I'm trying to watch television.
Bert: Okay, smart guy, you watch your ol' TV. I'm going to play a record anyway.
[Bert promptly marches back to the record player, starts playing jazzy music and dancing to it.
Note: the TV, record player, etc., are continuous throughout the arguement.]
Ernie: Bert?! BERT! Hey, I can't hear the television! [No response] Bert?! Okay, if that's the way
you want to be about it.... [he goes over the radio, turns it on loudly, starts humming along] (This
is where I get lost, as there is so much noise to hear either clearly.)
Bert: Ernie! Alright Ernie! [whereupon he runs over to the blender and turns that on] Alright, HERE!
[By now the place is full of noise.]
Ernie: OH YEAH?!
Bert: YEAH! YOU LIKE IT??!
Ernie: OH YEAH!!
(POOOOOOOOF! All the lights go out, the sounds quit, we see only Ernie & Bert's eyes floating in
the total blackness.)
Bert: Well now, look, you blew a fuse.
Ernie: Oh yeah, well it was your idea turning on the dumb mixer.
Bert: (resignedly, after a pause) Look, .... Ernie.... how about you go around and turn off all that
stuff we turned on, and I will... I'll go and try to fix the fuse. [Bert's eyes wander off. Ernie's
eyes go all over as he steps from switch to switch, snapping each off with a loud CLICK.]
Ernie: Okay.... first there's the mixer (or radio?)..... then there's the radio (or mixer?).....
over here, okay, over here the television.... and one more, back there--the phonograph! Yeah....
that's got 'em.... yeah....
(Suddenly the lights go back on, Bert returns. He and Ernie start playing cards during the following
Bert: Look, Ernie, I'm--I'm sorry about playing a record while you were watching TV...
Ernie: Yeah, well I'm sorry about turning on the radio...
Bert: Well, and I'm sorry about turning on the blender...
Ernie: Yeah, and I'm sorry, I shouldn't be watching so much television...
Bert: Well, we really shouldn't be doing stuff like that anyway...
Ernie: Yeah, we really shouldn't, after all....