Let's meet contestant #1
He's a schitzophrenic serial killer clown
Who says women love his sexy smile.
Let's find out if his charm will work on Sharon.
Sharon, what's your question?
Contestant #1, I believe first impressions last forever,
So let's say you were to come over to my parents' house
And have dinner with me and my family.
Tell me what you'd do to make that first impression really stay.
Let's see, hmm, well I'd have to think about it
I might show up in a tux, ha! But I doubt it.
I'd probably just show up naked like I always do
And look your mama in the eye and tell her f***k you!
Hurry up bitch I'm hungry, I smell spaghetti,
I'd pinch her limpy a*s and tell her get the food ready!
Your dad would probably start trippin and get me p***d
I'd have to walk up and bust him in his f***kin lips!
It's dinner time, we're hearin' grace from your mother
I pull a 40 out and pour some for your little brother
I'm standing staring at your sister, I'll tell you this
You know for only 13 she got some big t**!
After that, your dad would try to jump again
And only this time I'd put the 40 to his chin!
After your mom does the dishes and the silverwear,
I'd dry f***k her till I nut in my underwear!!!!
Now let's meet contestant #2,
He's a psychopathic derranged crackhead freak
Who works in the Dark Carnival.
He says women call him stretch nuts.
Sharon, let's hear your question.
I like a man who's not afraid to show his true emotions, ,
A man who expresses himself in his own special way
#2, if you fell in love with me, exactly how would you let me know?
First of all, I could never love you
You sound like a richy bitch, yo f***k you!
But if I did, I'd probably show you that I care,
By takin all these other motha f***kers outta here!
I'd go through your phonebook and whack em all
And find contestant #1 and break his f***kin jaw!
Anyone who looked at ya, would have to pay
I'd be blowin f***kin nuggets off all day!
Grab your titties, and stretch em down past your waist
Let go, and watch em both spring up in your face
I'd sing love songs to ya, the best I can
Get ya naked and hit it like a caveman
Then we'd go through the beach and walk in the sand
I'd throw a little sand in your face and say I'm just playin
As you spit it all out, I'll f***k your back
Grab your underwear and wedge it up your a*s crack!!!!
Well it sounds like contestant #2 is just overflowing with sensetivity Sharon,
It's a tough choice so far,
Sharon, let's have your last question
And see which one is gonna win the right to your next date
Ok, if we were at a dance club,
And you both noticed me at the same time,
Tell me, how would you each get my attention
And what would your pick up lines be?
Whoever's the smoothest wins!
Ok, first, I'd slide up to the bar
And tell you that I can't believe how f***kin fat you are!
I'd tell ya that I like the way you make your titties shake,
And if you lost a little weight you'd look like Rikki Lake.
F***k that! You'd be jackin me quick!
I'd order you a drink, and stir it with my dick
And then to get your attention in a crowded place,
I'd simply walk up and stick my nuts in your face!
Yeah, freak her with your nuts, yeah that'll get her!
Tell her that she's fat, yeah, that'll work even better!
Look, f***k you, I gotta strong rap s***t
You don't want contestant #2 he's mad whack
I walked into a bar, and there he was
Standing on a bucket (eeeuuugghhh) tryin ta f***k it
It was a big f***king smelly a*s farm llama
How you gonna diss yo mama?